Progress Report

The Friday before Christmas I visited Jamal's school and had an impromptu conference with one of his teachers. Initially, I had only intended to pick up his first quarter report card which had been available for almost 6 weeks at this point. His Grandmother insisted that she was still unable to get it because of her physical limitations.
As I have said before, I am trying to motivate Jamal to achieve academically. And since he never gives me much more than "school is aiight" I needed his report card to assess his progress. Baltimore Schools have abadoned the "A,B,C" system for percentiles. Which makes GPAs easier to understand, and really makes more sense overall. Jamal's average for the first quarter was a 76.83. Most grades were 75 or 80, but he did have one, Language Arts, which was a 70%. I decided to go in and speak with that teacher so that I could determine what the problem was. Mr. B. told me that Jamal is in his advanced class, and one of the smartest students in class, but he is determined to do the minimum to get by. He doesn't do all of his homework and doesn't pay attention in class. Other commments on the report card indicated that he displayed the same attitude elsewhere. "Conduct limits learning" and "Disruptive and/or inattentive" described his behavior in two other classes.
Armed with this new information, I went to have a serious discussion with his Grandmother and explain what the grades meant. This was the first conversation that I had with her outside of Jamal's presence, and it revealed much more of his family circumstances, as well as his Grandmother's general approach to child rearing.
Most startling, was the fact that she stopped school in the 6th grade, raised 10 children, 4 of which are dead (AIDS, Alcoholism, or accidents) and 1-2 who are in prison. Two more of her children are living with AIDS or Alcoholism. Halfway through our conversation, she spoke in depth about how tightly she controls Jamal's exposure to the outside world. Minimal phone calls from friends, limited time outside the house. Then she turned around complained about how much he plays video games and lies to her about finishing his homework so that he can play more. She had absolutely no idea how he was performing in school other than "he's passing all of his classes." As important as I think it is to encourage achievement at his age, I realize that she is probably trying her best to prevent him from making the same mistakes as her children, and has completely neglected his academic development in the process.
Before I left, I offered Grandma some unsolicited advice. "Remove the television from his room, don't allow him to play video games or watch TV during the week, and demand his homework before he does anything else at night." She agreed that these were good ideas, but was hesitant to implement them just yet.
Three nights ago, Jamal and I got together to do a few drawings. He became frustrated with his artwork, and practically begged to play some internet games while I was still working on mine. It's disappointing to see a child his age commit so much of his energy to mindless video games and television, but I can empathize. If the child is not encouraged to pursue other activities, what else would you expect?
Regardless, I spoke with Jamal what I had learned during my visit to the school, and told him that I want him to shoot for 86% for 3rd quarter (2nd quarter is almost over). Before I dropped him off, I asked him if he understood why he should be working hard for his grades. "So I can get a good job" he replied. Good answer, now the challenge is to get him to behave as if he believes it.

Another Look at the Black Family

The article below was the latest addition to the Washington Post series "Being a Black Man." It covers most of the points that I made in my discussion about the demise of the American Black family a few months back, but follows a real life father to illustrate them. Although the author is careful to reserve judgement, I like that he raises the question of what a father can provide for a child when he has done little to educate himself, acquire meaningful employment, or establish a stable household.


The Washington Post- Dad, Redefined

An Idle Mind

My free time over the past weeks has been limited by my study and hospital schedule, and mostly dominated by what I have come to call ‘wedding planning ambushes’ set by my fiancée. Jamal and I have had more phone conversations than usual, a few failed attempts to link up, and some drop-ins here and there. Last Friday we finally caught a break, and I spent the evening watching a movie and slugging it out in our favorite Nintendo game.
As much as I enjoy video entertainment, I’ve slowly discovered over the past month that it is generally the extent of Jamal’s activities if he’s not in school. His grandmother is trying hard to provide for him, but she is falling very short of stimulating the young man’s mind. I believe this is at least partially due to the limitations that her health has imposed on her. Every time that I see her she is either laying on her bed watching television, or sitting downstairs devising a plan to get to her bed and television. She also seems to not take his education as seriously as I think that she should. His report card has been available for almost 4 weeks now, but she has not picked it up from the school and does not know how he performed.
As a ‘Big Brother’ I feel obligated to expand the young man’s mind, to take him places that he would not otherwise go. And although I have spent the past month doing things that Jamal enjoys, and that I loved at that age, I want to limit our time in front of the television in the future.
As Christmas approaches, I’ve given a lot of thought to what gift I want to get him. Since he still plays a 3rd generation video game console, and this holiday season marks the inauguration of the 5th generation, the games for his system are exceptionally cheap. But now that I have come to more fully understand his home environment, I feel like I cannot give him anything that would encourage another minute in front of the television. So, I’m basically going to violate everything that I learned about Christmas as a kid, and give him some books. My hope is that he will find them entertaining, and that they will activate his imagination and desire to read more books. So far I’m leaning towards The Chronicles of Narnia series, the Series of Unfortunate Events series, and some basic cartoon drawing books. Any other ideas for the 12 year old age range? Of course, in the back of my mind I keep imagining all of the creative things other than reading that I would have thought of to do with a book that I opened on Christmas morning at that age.