Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Some Progress

Whenever I travel to Baltimore, it is not uncommon for me to park some distance away from the hospital to save money, and to take a short cut through the seedier parts in the interest of time. When I do venture away from what many might consider 'safe zones,' I typically come across young Baltimoreans who cause me much frustration and disappointment.
Often, I will encounter a group of teenagers trying (or maybe not) to look as menacing as possible while flaunting their thuggish gait. As our distance closes, I overhear the latest rap single being recited (sometimes in unison, but not always). Upon examining their faces, there is usually one or more among with a mouthful of gaudy jewelry. I imagine that my reaction is similar to what a physical trainer experiences when he sees a severely obese person inhaling a double quarter pounder with bacon.
Time and time again I am overcome with a desire to snatch one of them up by the throat and scream into the recesses of their minds, I want to force them to understand the nature of the world in which we live. I want to tell them that if they're not aggressively educating themselves, they can expect a future that will probably be a lot bleaker than anything they're living through right now. I want to instill the futility and emptiness of their elaborate ghetto gestures, rituals, and values. I want them to know that they have no business fathering a child as long they cherish ignorance and disorder. But of course, I always stop myself short of anything more than a head nod, and an occasional 'what's up.' I'm typically greeted with the same, but periodically, the young ruffians may shoot me a look of contempt, or ignore me all together.
In the beginning, I looked to Big Brothers Big Sisters as an avenue to reach young menin a meaningful way. Knowledge alone is unlikely to inspire the needed change. I knew that I could only be effective if I built rapport with Jamal and let him know that he meant more to me than some kind of project or endeavor of goodwill. Otherwise, I might come off as some lunatic on the sidewalk spitting random advice.
So after more than a year of building our relationship, I have intentionally hardened my warnings to Jamal over the past month or so (no I haven't grabbed him by the throat). I have slowly progressed from gentle encouragement to harsh admonition about his future. After all, he is almost fourteen. He has only four years to establish effective study habits and discipline if he is to educate himself after high school.
With more time off I have been able to share a few weekday afternoons with him working on his math homework (his weakest subject) and we are actually getting somewhere. I have been rather surprised how quickly he progressed in a single week. It seems to me that all this time, he has probably just needed someone to sit down with him, encourage him, and let him know that they care about his performance. As usual, I will not know exactly how much he's improving until the end of the quarter. But the smile on his grandmother's face the last time I stopped in let's me know that something must be getting better.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Stare down

A stand off between Louis and Jamal during a recent game of tag. Jamal still hasn't managed to catch him yet.

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Birds and the Bees


Teenage and unwed pregnancy in Baltimore is a pretty serious problem among African Americans. During my time on a maternity ward in a city hospital, I noticed that almost every Black woman that I cared for was both unmarried and was currently, or had been pregnant as a teenager. An analysis of birthrates in 2003 demonstrated that Baltimore City is consistently among the highest in the nation with teen pregnancy comprising 18% of all births. I see this as one of the greatest problems to progress among impoverished black communities.

Generation after generation is having children before they have the means to offer that child a life better than their own. If I had unlimited power and influence, I would first make sure that every hospital in America was outfitted with Xbox 360 consoles in their bathrooms. Number two, I would revoke reproductive privilege in some of the hardest hit areas, and re-instate it on a case by case basis. However, I am but a mere mortal, so I'll have to settle for making sure that my little brother, Jamal, understands exactly how important it is that he keep his weapon holstered.

When he spilled the story of his first cheek kiss with girlfriend, Bonquelda (only in Baltimore), he mentioned that 'positive' peer pressure had a lot to do with it. And as innocent an encounter as that was, it wasn't hard for me to imagine him taking things further in the years to come as his hormones rage, and his buddies cheer him on.

Me: So what do you know about serious things between boys and girls? (Trying to be as vague as possible)

Jamal: I know all about the birds and the bees.

Me: Well do you know why it is so important that you not have sex?

He had a few of the answers I was looking for. Jamal is aware of diseases and the unwanted consequences of a pregnancy at this age. There's a girl in his middle school class who is with child. But still, he casually mentioned that "a condom can take care of all that." As true as that is, I reminded him of the possibility of failure or misuse, and the likelihood that someone his age would not use one everytime.

I am an ardent advocate of abstinence, but I am not naive enough to think that someone who has not been properly indoctrinated will actually adopt that as their primary birth control method. Jamal's family does not have a strong tradition of marriage, and I am among the few married adults that he knows.

My parents started working on me and my brothers very early. I can remember being sat down for lessons about lust, irresponsibility, and consequences of Biblical proportions at the age of seven. There was some overkill at times, but their technique has been proven effective:

"..according to data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, 1997 cohort, even after taking account of characteristics such as race/ethnicity, mother’s education, and family structure. Teenagers whose parents have strong religious beliefs, who have higher levels of attendance at religious services, who participate in more family religious activities, and whose parents are affiliated with a religious denomination are less likely to have sex before age 18 than are teens without these characteristics."

I can see that the next generation of our family is reaping the benefits of this approach. My nephews and nieces are being born into stable homes where they will be very well provided for emotionally and financially.

Before putting the subject to rest, I told Jamal that abstinence is his best bet for many reasons. I tried to include his faith, and the potential heartache involved when young girls misinterpret a thrill-seeking boy's emotional investment. Some part of me doubts that any of that is really sticking. Puberty has begun, and reprogramming a young male with his eyes on the prize may be next to impossible.

Me: Just promise me that if you can't wait until marriage, you'll always use a condom

Jamal: okay

I'll be sure to revisit the issue.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

"Report to the office immediately or you will be arrested"

That's what I heard being announced over the school intercom as I approached the Middle School's main office to pick up Jamal's report card Monday afternoon. Upon entering, I was treated to a snapshot of his school's administrative faculty in action. A uniformed Baltimore Police officer was reading off a list of children who had been spotted loitering in the hallway, while the secretary was announcing their names. The principal was beside them both barking her disapproval with their technique. Minutes later, the first of the delinquents started to appear at the doorway.

"Are they serious? Arrested?" I asked the lady helping me with the report card.
"Yes, they will be taken to Baltimore Juvenile detention until their parents or whoever picks them up."

I had visited the office once about a year ago and didn't notice so much chaos. I wonder what the deal was today.

As each of students arrived, the Principal began yelling at them individually, raising her voice even louder to drown out their objections. Occasionally, she would glare over her shoulder and give an unresponsive member of her faculty the same treatment. I was a little embarrassed for everyone involved. It was a bit reminiscent of an early basic training experience, but a lot meaner.

Anyway, after about 10 minutes, the office administrator produced Jamal's report card and printed it. "You know, he's one of the good ones. He just needs some help caring about his school work" she tells me.

I'll say. I was stunned when I saw that he is carrying a D minus average (61%) over the first two quarters and is failing 3 out of his 5 classes halfway through the current quarter. His worst grades were in math where he has received F's (55% and 57%) for the first two quarters. Grandma told me that he wasn't doing well, but I didn't expect it to be this bad. Only a year ago he had a 78% average for all of his classes. How is it that things have fallen so dramatically so quickly?

It sounds a bit presumptuous, but I have considered that my dwindling involvement with him this academic year may have played some role in it. Well, it was more than obvious that there is work to be done. I asked her if she would summon Jamal to the office before dismissal so that I could take him home with me. She very kindly cooperated and had him pulled from class.

When he strolled into the office, he didn't seem the least bit surprised to see me. He actually appeared a little bothered. I didn't understand why, but I probed him a bit once we got outside. After a little more prodding, and poking, I finally got him to tell me that he has a girlfriend he was expecting to meet after school. Can you believe that? And on top of that, he had given her a gift earlier in the day (by way of a mutual friend) and he had been looking forward to their walk home from school so that he could see her response. I offered to take him back, but he said he would just catch up with her later. As we drove to my house, he told me all about his young lady friend. He described the excitement of his first kiss (cheek), and how disappointed he was that he had not yet received a reciprocal peck. How cute. Eventually, we got into serious territory with the whole kissing and girlfriend issue. I'll tell you about that a bit later.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Rebellion


It's March! And the light at the end of the long, dark, and smelly sewage tunnel that has been my quest for the M.D. is brighter than ever. This month I am finishing my final course, Radiology. After that, I am free to do what I please until graduation in May. During this current month, my instructors have already made it clear that they only expect me to be present for about 2-3 hours daily. Never one to disappoint, I've managed to whittle that down to about and hour and a half on average . For the time being, I'm on easy street, and I have a lot of extra time on my hands. It's the perfect time to step things up a notch with Jamal since I'm departing shortly after graduation.

Since I have a bit more energy for the fight, I decided that once again, I would look into Jamal's grades. Around noon yesterday I gave Grandma a call to get permission to go to the middle school to pick up his report card. Before I could even get to that, she unleashed a half hour of grievances of her grandson's most recent behavior. He has been growing bolder, and more rebellious in recent months. As her health continues to fail, she is finding that he defies her more frequently on matters of school work, television, video games, and clandestine exploits with his buddies during school hours. She has also grown quite uncomfortable with his accelerated interest in females. As I listened, I tried my best to empathize with her, but I couldn't help but feel that some of it was probably a natural response to being young, under the influence of volatile hormones, and wanting to be one of the guys. I can't imagine what it must be like to live alone with a 72 year old disciplinarian when you're only 13.
Anyway, she's been through this before (she raised 10 children, and a few grandchildren) and feels as if she no longer has the energy to go through adolescence all over again with Jamal. She is open to moving him out of the house, and he has expressed a desire to leave, but all of the potential destinations would offer living conditions that are the same or worse than Grandma's. It's a difficult situation to say the least.

Before I left for the school, I told her that I would take Jamal home with me and spend some time with him. It won't fix everything, but it might allow him to let off some steam. Her narrative on Jamal's rebellion kind of reminded me of my 5 month-old beagle, Louis. He has a way of acting out if he doesn't burn off his extra energy each day. He's chewed into walls, humped legs and arms, bit, ran in circles, and whined incessantly as a response to neglect. The two met a few weeks ago and really hit it off, so I thought it might be mutually beneficial to get them together again.

I was fortunate to have a number of lively conversations with Jamal (for a change), and even had the chance to counsel him on some major issues during the course of our afternoon and evening. I'll cover some of that in other posts over the next week.