Little Man

My little brother, Jamal, truly embodies his title. He's short. Very short, to the point that you want to give him a lolly pop and pat him on the head at first glance. It's only when you hear him speak that you believe that he's actually 13. Given his troubled infancy, and his diet of McDonald's 4-6 times a week, I became a little concerned that he might have some kind of chronic disease or nutrient deficiency retarding his growth. I asked him if he was on any medications or if he had seen the doctor recently, and he replied that he was perfectly healthy and had been to a doctor within the last year. Apparently, his grandmother was concerned about the same thing and had taken him in to get measured.

While studying for this exam that I'm taking tomorrow, I did run across a little tidbit on growth and development that inspired me to go ahead and measure Jamal myself when I stopped through Baltimore a few days ago. According to the CDC Growth chart, he's in the 25th percentile for height for his age (translated: he's shorter than 75% of boys his age). That fact alone does not indicate that there's actually anything wrong with him. That combined with the fact that his sister had a huge growth spurt in her mid teens convinced me that he's probably alright. Grandma says he has another appointment soon, turns out he's seen in the same clinic that I was working in a few weeks ago. Before I left, I apologized for bringing the whole thing up (now that I knew he was relatively normal), I was afraid that I might have embarrassed him. But he just shrugged and asked when I was coming by next. It seems as if even after living through a year of middle school (cesspool of adolescent cruelty), he is the least bothered by his stature. Good for him.

One Year Later

Last week marked the one year anniversary of my first meeting with Jamal and the beginning of our friendship. I'd love to say that he's grown 6 inches, earned straight A's, and started a successful non-profit under my tutelage, but that would be a slight exaggeration. Jamal is a good kid. He was quite bright and free of all signs of thuggishness before I met him, so I haven't exactly been fighting a battle to save him from the streets of Baltimore. His grandmother has established a solid moral compass in the child, but has left much work for me and others to do in getting him to realize his true potential and to sharpen his talents. That battle is far from over and will be ongoing into the next school year. There was a point when I had considered picking up a new 'little' and keeping loose contact with Jamal. But I suspect that I would probably just end up doing a marginal job with both, so I decided to focus on Jamal for as many years as our lives permit.

I'm pleased to have discovered a number of black authored "let's-stop-the-foolishness" blogs over the past year. They are great for generating and maintaining much needed discourse on the errant path that mainstream black culture seems to be taking as of late. Some of my favorites are listed to the right under the blogroll. But sometimes, I feel as if we have used these forums to echo back to one another our shared sentiments about the most offensive and destructive trends working their way through our community while the people who are a part of the problem skip over to the BET or The SOURCE web page. I started Reaching Young Minds so that I could push a few more of us to take things a step further, and get the message where it can make the most difference.. the children living under difficult circumstances in "high risk" neighborhoods. After all, they are the ones destined to become tomorrow's babies' daddies and criminals if something doesn't change.

It's easy to think that you don't have enough time to mentor a child, but after mentoring through my third year of medical school (huge time commitment), while planning a wedding, and shopping for and moving into a new home, I'd have to say that most people probably have time for it if they are willing to make the time. As long as you can stand being around someone else's child for more than an hour at a time, and you have an honest desire to make a difference, Big Brother Big Sister or a similar program is a great place to start.

Summer Time

I am currently mid way through the first summer that I have spent exclusively in my hometown in almost 12 years. Although most of the time has been spent studying, and staring out the window when I should be studying, it has brought back a lot of good memories of summers past. We lived in a neighborhood full of children and friendly neighbors. So even when there was nothing special to do, there was always something to do. Exploration in the deep woods, riding bikes to forbidden locales, and playing outside until it was dark. Sadly, my 'little' isn't having that kind of summer.
I started to notice that he was inside everytime I called, but I was hesitant to believe that was the case all day everyday until I dropped in yesterday to see him. We spent most of the time talking about his latest pieces of art. I let him borrow a cartoon drawing book, and he's been hard at work trying to master some of the techniques. He asked me questions about different approaches to the cartoon human, and I showed him how to deal with hands and torsos, and clarified what the book was showing. All throughout this time I started asking about his daily activities for the past month. It turns out he IS actually staying in the house alone all day almost every day while his grandmother lays on the bed upstairs trying to stay cool. It's pretty sad, I had actually looked into some day programs before the summer started so we could prevent this sort of thing from happening. Obviously, I didn't find anything.

"So where are all of the other kids?"
They all moved away.

"How about your bike?"
It's broken.

"What about your cousins that I met that one time?"
They live too far away.

Quite sad, but since I'm very much in the books every day, living almost 40 minutes away, there's not a lot that I can do to improve his day to day right now. Makes me that much more pleased that I sprung him from Grandma's on the 4th of July a few weeks ago. We started the day with Go Karts at the local track, stopped by the cook out at my parent's house, and ended the day with a late showing of TRANSFORMERS. A great movie I must say. There's nothing quite as cool as seeing your old animated heroes on the big screen in live action. I was blown away by the fact that they used the same voice actor for Optimus Prime that they used 20 years ago on the cartoon. Jamal doesn't know much about the old show, but he really liked the movie and hung the poster up in his room.
I should have a week long break from all responsibility starting two weekends from now. That is, if I can get ready for this test in time. If I do, it will give me the chance to spend a lot of time with Jamal and possibly make this summer a little more memorable for him.

I'm Back

It's been a while, but I have an excuse this time, really. From the end of April until last week I had been living through a whirlwind of moving, getting part of the house renovated, getting married, and taking final exams to wrap up my third year. Quite hectic I have to say, but through it all I actually managed to keep up with Jamal from week to week.
The wedding was held in NY, near my Wife's hometown and on the campus of my undergraduate alma mater. I had a great time at the wedding, and as promised, my father picked Jamal up from Baltimore and kept him company during the event weekend and through the ceremony and reception. It was good to see him mingling with my friends and family, and generally having a good time. As weddings go, I didn't get to spend too much time with him individually, but I did follow up with him a week later. He approved of the festivities and said that he had enjoyed himself.
School ended about two weeks ago, and report cards were mailed home in the middle of last week. On a good note, he called me the day he received his report card to let me know how he did. Sadly, he told me that he passed as if he was unsure whether or not he was going to pull it out. Unfortunately, Jamal's grades have grown progressively worse with each passing quarter this year. That is particularly frustrating to me since we both sat down in December and set a goal of improving his academic performance.
Almost two months ago, I gave him a firm talking to about his progress report (all C's and D's), telling him that I knew he could do better, and trying to explain how important good grades are to his future. He acted as if he understood (and had even heard it before), but continued to ignore assignments, and play video games instead of studying until the grading period ended.
As I look back on my first year of mentorship, I would like to say that it was successful, but since my only truly objective measurement of success (grades) did not demonstrate this, it's hard to walk away with that impression. I realize that it's quite possible that the impact of my presence in his life may not be felt for many years. And I'm learning that instant gratification cannot be the nature of my motivation when it comes to our "therapeutic relationship." I must learn to deal with the fact that progress will be slow and at times invisible.
I've come to believe that raising a child to do well in school is part inspiration and part discipline. I think that how much of each is needed depends on the child. At this point, it's clear to me that Jamal needs a lot more discipline, which is something that I cannot (and will not) provide given my role as a Big Brother. Unfortunately, when it comes to school, his grandmother has demonstrated time and again that she either does not know how or simply will not give him the structure that he needs. So I feel as if I'm at a bit of an impasse with regards to getting him to achieve. At this point, I'm left to look forward to another year, and continue to work on developing his artistic talents, affirming his self worth, and helping him see beyond the stereotypes that surround him on a daily basis.