The month of December was hectic, mostly because it was spent finishing out the last of my strenuous medical school rotations. Around the middle of the month, the Army posted the assignments for all of their medical students, and granted me the best birthday present I've ever received. I'm headed back to Hawaii for five years of Orthopedic Surgery training! It was my number one choice for location and specialty. As exciting as this is, it's sad that it will reduce my mentoring relationship with Jamal to occasional phone calls, and perhaps an annual visit. Of course, with the demands of residency and the possibility of children of my own just around the corner, it's likely that even if I spent the next few years in Baltimore, we would be seeing a lot less of each other.
Anyway, during the Christmas holiday, we did spend some time together. We went to the local ice rink one afternoon, and I stopped by his house another afternoon to hang out for a bit. Despite not skating since we went almost a year ago, he picked it right back up and was tearing around the track for the last hour of our session. During the outing, we inevitably came to the topic of his grades. The quarter ended in November, but there's still no report card for me to read. It's the same old game. Baltimore schools don't give report cards to the students, so it's up to Grandma to call and request it. I've been through this before. Last year only two report cards ever made it home, and I carried one of those directly from the school myself. Jamal tried to convince me that I shouldn't worry about it because he doesn't think that he made our goal of 85% in every class. When I ask why, he just tells me "I don't know."
I could get frustrated, but I've decided that it's a waste of energy. Jamal is probably never going to be motivated to do more than whatever gets him by in the classroom. I'm going to have to accept that. He is however, really picking up the pace on his development as an artist. He continues to do his lessons from The Art Institutes each month, and I've heard good things about his progress from the staff there. I ran into a few who were familiar with his work when I enrolled myself in the course last month. So I'll continue to push him in that direction.
As we've spent time together over the last year and a half, I've often wondered when (if ever) would be the right time to correct some of his spoken grammar. He tends to speak with the poverty-laced dialect that is typical of Baltimore's children and adults. About six months ago, I decided to give it a try. After all, if he's going to grow up to go to college or art school, and work in the professional world, he's going to have to get in the habit of speaking that language. What I found is when I told him that "there ain't no" should be phrased as "there aren't any" he actually counter-corrected me. He was convinced that it was me who had it backwards. After a few more attempts spread across weeks to months with similar responses or total silence (indicating a degree of frustration) I've pretty much abandoned all grammar correction. What sense does it really make for me to step in a few times a month, and try to instill speech that is more appropriate for mainstream America, but is completely foreign to him? As I've heard in the past, our speech reflects the way we're spoken to. Jamal's grandmother, his closest family member, speaks to him with the dialect of a southern sharecropper with a sixth grade education. Combine that with the inner city Baltimore speech of his peers, and you can see that there are no obvious solutions to adjust his speech. So what can you really do? Sure, it's a part of who he is, but I can't help but think of how many opportunities he may miss in the future because he is never taken seriously.
6 comments:
Congratulations!
Wow, I can’t help but to feel a little saddened by this post. The time that you have given Jamal is still so needed. I fear that now he won’t have anyone to push him at all. I am praying that your time, words and effort sit in the back of his mind, until he is fully able to understand, so that he can use that information to better himself.
Maybe you can have him visit you one time during the summer; to see how others live that could open him up a little. Just a thought, depends on the situation.
P.S. Hope you keep us updated on your progress in HI! :)
Hi,
I came across your blog when searching for mentoring opportunities. Reading through it has given me so much encouragement. I often speak with friends and family about how we are losing this generation of black youth. I skimmed an article in the Post last year which reviewed the Urban League's State of Black America report. I skimmed it because it was too depressing to give a careful reading. My white boss had also been reading it and irritated me by asking me what black people were going to do about these problems. As mad as I was at her for her smug remark, I now that it was a good question...the only question really. I've often felt paralyzed by fear of getting involved in a child's life. I realize though that I must not be so insular. I really need to reach out and give of myself to our community, especially to kids. If we don't do this for ourselves, I really don't believe anyone else will. Thanks for helping me decide to get involved. Little by little, as black folks push past fear and apathy, we'll see some progress, lord willing.
J.Scott, yours is a step in the right direction. The time and experiences you shared with Jamal will leave a life long positive impression upon him. I too grew up without a father in my life, due to an untimely death, and I too had a big brother who, although didn't have a long term relationship with me, left a life long impression. Yours is a perfect example of the direction in which more of us must travel, in order to lead our inner city youth out of a ghetto state of mind. I am very proud of you and and wish you well in life.
D.Ruffin /Mililan Hawaii
Thank you all for the comments. It is encouraging to know that my message is heard, and that others are also concerned for the future of our black children.
just my opinion, and take it with a grain of salt please, but I think people who fuss about grammar tend to overlook the larger issues that go with it.
People don't use poor grammar because they are too dumb to know there is such a thing as "right" grammar. Poor people are not as dumb as rich people like to think. {& poor people frequently really resent the assumption that they do things the way they do because they are dumb. The tip off is that attitude you describe: "as if you're the one who does not get it". That's a hint that "rich smart" people always ignore!)
People use the grammar they use for other reasons. having to do with things like identity in my experience, but you never know til you find out. Resistance will not go away until those other reasons are dealt with.
You want him to fix his grammar, I'd advise this: Forget about correcting his grammar. Instead, find out why he thinks his grammar is ok. Why he rejects the idea that your grammar is better. Surely he knows that your grammar is associated with authority, so why does he choose his own language? There IS a reason. When you find it, you'll have the key to persuading him. He will learn to speak beautiful English the day you persuade him that there's an advantage to using 'white' grammar.
I have found that kids can learn anything, if they want to. They just don't because most teachers don't seem to answer the first and foremost question: why? who cares? why should I?
You persuade a kid that he should learn any subject - math, history, English - and he can figure out for himself where and why and how to go about learning it. The problem is that if you ask most teachers, "why do we gotta learn this stuff?", the teacher will not take the question seriously or even literally. The teacher will frequently ignore it, or, worse still, the teacher can't actually answer the question himself/herself. If I want to be an artist, why SHOULD I learn math? If I want to be a scientist, why SHOULD I read Catcher In The Rye? Why should I speak the way authority wants me to, instead of the way my people speak?
Even those teachers who really do answer the question, usually do so badly.
I would love to speak like a well-educated person, but to me that feels phony. It's not who I am. That's an identity issue.
Hopelessness and despair, internalized, and a failure to see possibilities, is the real problem. Grammar IMO is just a symptom.
Anonymous,
My 'little' is exceptionally bright and capable of whatever he puts his mind too. I have never questioned that fact. The way I see it, he ignores standard english grammar for the same reason that I don't. It's the way he's heard it spoken (with the exception of a few hours at school) for the last 13 years. His Grandmother speaks as if she walked off a cotton plantation last week. My parents didn't (even though they are FAR from rich). My only reason for bringing it to his attention is because it has the potential to limit his opportunities in the future when he's not taken seriously.
I have since abandoned my attempts to correct his english. I speak properly around him. He will either assimilate it or he won't. Given that I spend 4-5 hours with him every few weeks, I've accepted that it is unlikely that our time together will inspire him to change his speech.
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